Causes of Insanity
by LuckyDespair
Summary: Everybody knows that Byakuya is always cold and stoic, but this doesn't sit well with Renji apparently. A plan is made to try and make Byakuya angry. Poor Renji, what will be the results of this insane game of his? [Slight ByakuyaxRenji]


Causes of Insanity

**Summary:** Byakuya has always been viewed as cool, cold, and an incredibly stoic captain. The members of soul society decide to come up with a plan to see beyond the stoniness and cause Byakuya to be angry. And whose great idea was this? Obviously it was thoughtfully thought up by Byakuya's "wonderful" assistant captain, Renji! Poor Renji, what will be the results of this "insane game" of his? Slight ByakuyaxRenji

**Disclaimer:** I want to own Byakuya…and Renji, and Rukia, and Hitsugaya, and Urahara, and Yumichika…well, if you won't give me these characters at least lend me Hitsugaya for Christmas or something…uh, so basically I don't own bleach…

**Warning:** may contain OOC (I don't know for sure…I'm trying to make it not so OOC)

**Causes of Insanity**

It was just a random discussion on a random day about random things at first. Soon, courtesy of the ever flashy vice captain of captain Hitsugaya (whose name I can't remember), the soul reapers—the girls at least—began to talk about, of course, their crushes.

Renji didn't find it the least bit surprising that his captain was the main subject of the talk. Of course not, with his ever stoic and cold expression who wouldn't like him? At least that was what Renji had been sarcastically thinking at the time. Truthfully he couldn't understand why Byakuya was so popular (and he wasn't). Well, Renji was a guy.

While they were discussing this Renji found himself thinking about Kuchiki-taichou's incredible stoic attitude and getting more and more irritated by the second. He began trying to think of methods to make his captain show some other emotion. Finally he thought about asking the others for some suggestions.

"Wouldn't you guys want to see some other expression on Byakuya?" he suddenly suggested. Of course, that got everyone's attention.

"Love!" rejected.

"Passion!" what's the difference between love and passion?

"Disgust!" already shown.

"Hate!" too boring.

"Joy!" Ew! (These are Renji's thoughts)

"Happiness!" THAT'S THE SAME THING AS JOY!

"Fear!" Whoa, that's a new one.

Finally Renji couldn't take it anymore.

"Anger," he cut in. Immediately the heads turned towards him, with more than just a mild interest. This also got much applause.

"How?" someone demanded.

"I say we go and beat him up," suggested Kenpachi.

_Well, he would, _Renji thought.

"Or his sister," Kenpachi insisted when his previous idea was rejected.

"No way," besides, if Byakuya found out that it was Renji's idea to begin with he'll be so dead. And leave Rukia out of this. Already, from the corner of his eye, Renji noticed Rukia trying to get out of Kenpachi's eyesight. Yachiru happily waved her goodbye from Kenpachi's shoulder, thankfully not revealing Rukia's location.

"Just get something that annoys him," Ikakku said in a bored voice. He clearly had no interest in Byakuya.

"Yes, what annoys him?" Yumichika agreed. Renji didn't find it surprising that it was mainly squad eleven members contributing to this.

"Let's ask the vice captain then!" Yachiru said in a sugary high voice. _That brat, _Renji thought. Everybody was once again staring at him. _Why is Byakuya so popular anyways?_ Renji cursed to himself. Well, since everybody expected him to, he might as well come up with something, but not without making a lot of noise first.

"Hah? Stop staring at me! Make up something yourself!" he more or less shouted in his arrogant voice. (I like his arrogant voice.) Despite saying that, he had already come up with what he thought was an awesome idea.

"Well, as the vice captain, you'd know him the best," voices argued. As expected of them to say. Renji sighed to himself, _like anybody would know anything about that bastard other than himself. _

"Then just annoy him the whole day by doing little things, like putting salt in his tea or something! He hates talking to people so make a lot of people go and talk to him. Give him no peace." Yup, that definitely sounded like a Renji-type idea.

"Lame," Yachiru proclaimed.

_Shut up, you –beep- _Renji thought but didn't say.

"Well then come up with something better yourself!" Renji half screamed at her.

Kenpachi seemed to agree with Yachiru and he got up and walked away. He was the only one, however, that disliked the idea. The rest was all too ready to prepare and begin.

_OH joy! _Renji thought sarcastically, _operation: See Byakuya's anger now begins!

* * *

_

The soul reapers let in on this prank were all discussing it in an empty room. They were all so excited it almost scared Renji, keyword: almost. It was his idea to begin with.

"How about we put some salt, and lemon juice, and vinegar into his miso soup, or tea, or whatever drinks he chooses to have?"

_Yeah you can go and do that, _Renji thought to himself. But then, the idea wasn't too bad either.

"Why not bleach or dyes? How about some swamp water or maybe oil?" he suggested.

Everybody stared at him in horror. He stared back. _What?_

"But that's so cruel!" somebody screeched. Seriously _screeched _in terror.

"Kuchiki-taichou will be extremely angry," the captain of the fourth squad commented. Well that was the point wasn't it? And wait, what was _she _doing here in the first place? "Oh I'm just here to make sure nobody gets hurt while playing practical jokes. Rumors are that Byakuya could have an awful temper when he's angry." She replied to his thoughts as if she could read his mind.

Renji chewed on that thought. "Or we could add sake; any form of alcohol would be fine,"

Now that the idea was driven into their heads the soul reapers found themselves quite enjoying it.

"I quite enjoy that idea," Rukia suddenly said from behind him.

Renji turned around in shock, "Rukia," he chocked, "What are you doing here?"

She gave him a weird look, "Doing what everybody else is doing apparently." She said it slowly as if he was a moron. "We _are_ planning to make nii-sama angry, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but, well—" Renji stuttered.

"What?" Rukia smirked, "I can't join in just because he's my brother? I'd like to have some fun in soul society too."

"But you're his sister!" Renji finally said, exasperated. He said it just a little too loudly.

"Oh, Rukia!" everybody's head swarmed towards her now and to Renji's shocking disgust she was actually enjoying the attention. "You can help us out since you'd know about Kuchiki-taichou since you live with him!" Renji couldn't take it anymore; he stomped through the crowd of mad, raving people completely forgetting that it was his idea in the first place, and dragged Rukia out with one arm.

"Ouch!" Rukia exclaimed once they were outside and had escaped from the much too excited group. Renji had gripped her arm so tightly it left a rather large bruise.

He breathed a silent sigh of relief, which didn't last too long. Behind them they sensed a hostile presence.

"How's the party going?" leered Kenpachi from behind them.

_Where did this guy come from? _Renji thought furiously. Kenpachi drew his sword and grinned maniacally. "Well, looks like there are some hostages we could use to make Byakuya angry."

Renji half slumped in horror, _now's not the best of times to be fooling around! _He noticed Kenpachi's eyes looking directly at Rukia. She was trembling a little. _Time to take our leave, _he thought and then once again grabbed her arm and ran.

They didn't get far before they bumped into another person. "Watch where you're going bastard!" Renji yelled without even looking up. "Get the hell out of our way!" He was about to push past the person in question when Rukia suddenly moaned.

"R-renji…" her feet slumped from beneath her in terror. Who could be more terrifying than Kenpachi? Renji wondered and turned to look at the person. His eyes widened in shock.

_Oh my god, _Renji had time for one more thought before he was about to slump onto the floor beside Rukia. Thankfully something interrupted them before it could happen.

"Hey, the older brother is here too, now I can take out both of them." Kenpachi had arrived as well. Byakuya glared at Renji, knowing just who caused all this to happen.

"Take Rukia somewhere safe," he commanded before engaging in battle with Kenpachi. Renji almost felt sorry for him, almost. Apparently Yachiru didn't think that her Kenny would win either seeing as she jumped on top of Renji as they were leaving and took a free ride.

He brought Rukia to the thirteenth squad's bewildered members and left her there. He then sneaked around soul society hoping to avoid Byakuya. He had just come out of a room when—

"Come with me," Byakuya suddenly said from behind him. Renji jumped up in shock. He was scared, definitely.

_Rumors are that Byakuya could have an awful temper when he's angry. _

Renji suddenly had a flashback of Unohana telling him that. "Oh gods," he breathed. Byakuya was certainly exerting an aura that suggested of intense anger. Renji felt some fear crawling up around him which he immediately disguised with anger.

"Don't sneak up on people, -beep-!" he growled which under normal circumstances he'd never even dream of being so disrespectful.

Byakuya didn't really say anything but this made Renji even angrier. He suddenly felt an urge to defend himself.

"It was just a joke! It's your own fault for being so apathetic and stoic all the time!" he had gone too far, but he couldn't control what he was saying anymore. Guilt covered by anger, fear covered by anger, everything was taken over by anger now. Renji wasn't sure he was in control of himself anymore.

"You say you want me to show some other expression than apathy, why don't you think the same for yourself?" Byakuya asked coldly, similar to anger but not quite.

"Hah? As if I'd want to be like you!" Renji retorted.

"Always shouting around and 'acting' angry,"

"Well, at least it's better than you, you bastard!" he shouted, again.

"How about this then," Byakuya suggested, "I'll show you some other emotion than apathy to everything, and you show how you really feel for once."

"Oh and how are we going to do that?" Renji questioned sarcastically. _Like that bastard can really be something other than stoic. He's so cold it isn't even human._

Byakuya might've heard that thought—ultimately proving he wasn't human—or Renji was probably just too simple to read. He took a step closer towards Renji and leaned over him. He brought his head closer to Renji's and tilted it slightly. He whispered something into Renji's ear. Although Renji never heard what he said the distance and the hot breath in his ear was enough to make him blush.

Byakuya leaned backwards and smirked, he actually SMIRKED, at Renji. This brought Renji back to sanity and made him angry again, or maybe it was just simple frustration? But Renji couldn't forget the hot breath in his year and the closeness between them from that instance.

_Dammit you bastard! _Renji began his thought but never quite finished. He remembered Byakuya's suggestion clearly in his mind. He thought about yelling, opened his mouth then stopped. He closed it slowly, took in a deep breath and sighed._ All right, you won.

* * *

_

Byakuya Kuchiki himself was walking down a corridor back to the Kuchiki household. He was as emotionless as ever, more if possible. He didn't think about what had happened earlier with Renji and they would never speak of it again, like the memory went away to be filed in a secret, heavily locked cabinet inside the dark abyss of their minds.

It would never ever be brought up again, but—

_You want to make a bet on that?

* * *

_

Everybody understood what the last sentence was? Didn't they? If you didn't pm me or write in a review or whatever that you didn't understand, I'll clear some things up for you. If I left it in the fic I doubt it'll stand too well, because the point was to leave it like that. Well, I thought it'd be pretty self explanatory but looking back maybe it wasn't, I'm not really sure so leave me a message if you want me to clear some things up.

Also please leave some comments, reviews, or constructive criticism on how you thought the fic was. This fic's style is kind of different from my other fanfics so let me know what you thought of it please! Thanks so much for reading!

I love you Shikabane-mai for helping me beta this, but I'll love you even more if you left a long constructive criticism in the form of a review so I have something to work on.

Oh yes, the characters were a bit OOC in this, one because I haven't watched Bleach in a LONG time so I don't really remember much, and two because it meant that Byakuya and Renji could have a cute scene together! –smiles-

A/N: I don't support ByakuyaxRenji or Byakuyaxany other character except maybe Rukia because he had a previous wife, Hisana. I do, however, support ByakuyaxHisana, but this fic was written purely for enjoyment and I liked writing it very much so please give your support!


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